I stand outside in the grass, barefoot, trying to remember my connection to the Earth, rooted and strong like my beloved trees. I feel excited, powerful and determined. I also feel sad, scared and overwhelmed. The emotions of the last few days have caught up to me, with memories and flashbacks and old feelings. I imagine myself on the riverbank, watching my emotions and thoughts carried downstream on fallen leaves, but likely the exercise would work better if I left my yard and drove to an actual river. Franklin, New Hampshire is also known as Three Rivers, so clearly I don’t have to go far. In fact if I listen carefully I can hear the white waters of one of those three rivers from my yard. I will go after lunch.

I have been working on designing my new website and blog, called Invincible Hope. I’m delighted you have found me. This is where my excitement and joy are found today – feeling proud of my writing, and a desire to spread hope. I feel powerful, but at the same time fear sneaks in disguised as perfectionism. The name changed three times but it is right now. I am sure of that.

My emotional goal is to feel whole. I am there right in this moment but it is uncomfortable and I am having a hard time embracing it. It feels so odd. The power feels good but scary; the pain hurts but feels true. I put the blog stuff aside to just try and sit with how this all feels. It’s like my bones itch – a discomfort I can’t touch – but at the same time an awakening joy too. The temptation is to shut down again. Even joy is scary.

There is pain, and there is hope too, because hope is real. Join me.