1. Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Step Two: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Step Three: Turned our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood him.

from the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.*

In Twelve Step programs, the first three steps are sometimes referred to as, “I can’t. He can. I think I’ll let Him.” Step One is about powerlessness and unmanageability – getting to the point where one feels completely hopeless about her situation. But then comes Step Two – believing there is hope – that a Higher Power of some kind – any kind – can help her situation. In Step Three, she steps out of her personal will and chooses to do what she believes her Higher Power wants of her.

For me, my first Higher Power was a counselor the state made me see. I was sixteen years old when I turned my family into the authorities for abuse. For two years after that I floundered, sometimes trying to do what I thought was right, and at others, being utterly hopeless. Sometimes the two overlapped – death beckoned and seemed like my best option.

There were failed suicide attempts, violent behavior, and tons of self-loathing. As a young person once translated to me, Step One means that you can’t stop, and your life sucks. Bingo. I was there. I kept trying to fix my own problem, though, because I was terrified to ask for help.

One day I was terrified not to ask for help. I wasn’t scared of dying – I was scared I would go on living the way I had been. I couldn’t manage the self-hatred, regrets, guilt and shame. I called my counselor and asked for help. I believed she might have an answer that would point me in a different direction.

But I was still scared. I couldn’t take her suggestions, and I argued with her on the phone. My own mind made me hit bottom that same night, and I surrendered. I called her back. I surrendered. I was ready to do whatever she thought was a good idea. I gave up the driver’s seat in my life, and that day marks the point that things started moving in a better direction.

It’s a warm day in a swamp. Three frogs sit on a log, basking in the sun. It is getting hotter as the sun beats down. Being too warm, one frog decides to jump in the water. How many frogs are left on the log?

There are still three frogs on the log, because our friendly frog only made a decision, and didn’t actually jump in the water. There is a difference between making a decision and acting on that decision. I made the decision that day to call my counselor, but I wasn’t ready to accept her help right away. I made the phone call, but remained on the log. My situation didn’t improve with a mere decision – I had to take action and actually accept guidance.

Asking for help is necessary – whether we ask from others, for from God, if we so believe. I cannot function very well with just my own resources. But even more vital than the asking is being open to try something new. Our friendly frog is going to cook in the sun if he doesn’t take action. So will we.

*The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous have been adapted by dozens of other Twelve Step fellowships for use in dealing with issues including various addictions, growing up in alcoholic homes, and dealing with our emotions and behaviors. Go here to read all Twelve Steps.