I belong to The Sisterhood of the Traveling Stories – a small women’s writing group where we share short narratives on our personal histories. These women have supported me for nearly a decade in learning to write my story – they are my accountability partners, my cheerleaders, and my closest writing buddies. The Sisterhood encouraged me to start my memoir, a dream I’ve always had but never sat down to begin. That’s right – this writer wouldn’t write her own story.
That changed with the Sisterhood. I began by writing to prompts with a coach we shared, Michele Brown who at that time ran the Tell Me Your Story Now Life Story Workshops. While not trauma-focused, Michele’s prompts gently took me back to my younger years and let me explore many aspects of my history. Soon, a clump of us started sharing with each other, and the Sisterhood was born. My sisters insisted that I must start writing my memoir, rather than dreaming about it.
A few weeks ago we lost one of our sisters, Connie Kratky. Connie had run with the idea of the Sisterhood, becoming our agreed-upon leader. Soon she was providing us with new prompts – including many dynamic pictures that sometimes jogged our memories. She was a teacher – literally, a retired special ed teacher and administrator – who had a zest for finding a way to help us overcome barriers (excuses?) to reaching our writing goals.
Her brother wrote in her obituary, “The one word missing from Connie’s massive vocabulary was ‘quit.’ Her contagious enthusiasm and loving heart were her currency, and her sheer strength of will and character were her superpowers.” Connie lived a life of enthusiasm and love. She lived with post-polio syndrome but used her difficulties to connect with others and encourage them to persevere. She did so with beautiful compassion and empathy.
Connie loved Invincible Hope, providing me with encouragement and feedback every step of the way, and did the same with my work-in-progress memoir. I shared chapters with her and she let me know her thoughts, and how she might approach certain things differently. Along with others in the Sisterhood, Connie prodded me to continue writing, reminding me that the hope I had to offer others who suffered childhood trauma was vital.
When I heard of Connie’s passing, I was in disbelief. I thought the message I received was a cruel hoax. How could this person who was so full of life, be gone? Even in retirement, she was up to new adventures, including establishing her own life story coaching endeavor, and starting her own health advocacy business. But within 24 hours it became clear this was real.
As I’ve mentioned before in Invincible Hope, I struggle with my emotions – especially sadness and grief. Losing my closest writing buddy was too much for me to handle, and I shut down. There were no feelings – I was just numb. But then, as my sisters wrote of their own memories in emails on our site, I started to feel anger. She wanted to live – she was the epitome of life! And here I am, struggling with persistent suicidal feelings, and I’m left here to muddle on without her. I was not just feeling anger, but a lot of self-pity. It all came out sideways, and I was very impatient and irritable.
A few days ago I let myself sink into the emotions, and found out that there indeed is a lot of sadness underneath the numbness and anger. I finally let myself cry. I haven’t yelled at anyone since (although inside I’m still rather grouchy). I can almost feel Connie’s hand on my arm, telling me to write about it. So I am.
I hadn’t worked on my memoir in many months, and then I drifted away from my blog as well. I’ve still been writing, but in small spurts for few eyes. Even with the Sisterhood I’ve shared very little. Today I write to honor Connie, but I also pulled out the memoir too. It’s time to get to work. That’s what she would have wanted.
Oh Karen!..you said it all.
Not too many of us have dealt well with losing Connie. It’s just too fast and totally unexpected. I think all of us suspected something was up with her, but we just didn’t know what she was dealing with. I wish we could all be there with Teri Ilson on June 4th in Las Vegas to honor Connie at the Memorial service. Thank you for putting words to my emotions too. I love you. Char
You are Loved!
Thank you for sharing this tribute to my cousin Connie. She always tried to get me to join the group but as a homeschooling mom I just didn’t have the time or bandwidth. We enjoyed sharing family stories and pictures as much as we could. I miss her so much. I’m a younger cousin and she has always been part of my life. I looked up to her and respected her and she was a beautiful person and a great cousin. I’m thankful for the times we had together.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.I am just now today on May 14th, finding out that Connie has left her earthly body. I got to know her a little in the past year. We shared in a small daily group & she attended a couple of my workshops. My life is blessed from knowing her.
A beautifully written tribute to your friend. Proud of you for writing it & taking care of you in the process. I didn’t know Connie but I’ve no doubt she’s in a wonderful place with a big smile of love on her face! 💗
Thank you for this ❤️💔❤️🩹❤️
I’m sorry for your loss that brought you back to your writing. Honoring your friend with your own continuing work is surely healing. I’m here for you. ⚘
I’m sorry you lost your friend. If you ever want to put that loss and energy into mentoring I’m in desperate need. It’s a long story… No pun intended. I took a decent class with a writer 2 years ago but the local writers group at our library is dysfunctional and dominated by one obnoxious sci-fi kid and I quit going. I’m dysfunctional but a good candidate for help. I understand if this wouldn’t work long distance, I just needed to get it out.
I’m sorry you lost your friend. If you ever want to put that loss and energy into mentoring I’m in desperate need. It’s a long story… No pun intended. I took a decent class with a writer 2 years ago but the local writers group at our library is dysfunctional and dominated by one obnoxious sci-fi kid and I quit going. I’m dysfunctional but a good candidate for help. I understand if this wouldn’t work long distance, I just needed to get it out.
Sorry this appears twice and i was unable to go back and edit or delete!
As always, dear Karen, you have written so beautifully about your thoughts, feelings, emotions . . . everything dear to you. i, too, miss our Connie. I don’t think I knew her quite so well as you did; however, she and I had several ZOOM meetings with only the two of us present. We talked about writing, travel, problems, just about everything that two girlfriends could share with each other. One of the things that we chatted about was the Greek Orthodox Church, of which she had been a member all of her life. You know that I taught an online class with students in Bethlehem. Since many of my students were also members of that church, I wanted to know more about it. Because of our private chats, I consider her a mentor in lots of things! What a sweet memory! Two things I know: we will miss Connie with all our hearts . . . and she is with Jesus now!